There's something in your hand.(set: $footer to 1)
{(if: $recorder is 0)[[What is it?]]
(if: $recorder is -1)[[Oh, it's a tape recorder!]]}It's square-ish, and made of plastic. And it's making a funny whirring sound.
[[Look closer.]]Oh, it's a tape recorder! (set: $recorder to 1)
[[Wow, it's been a while since you used one of these.]]The last time must have been...\
(if: $secondhand is 0)[[
When you were a teenager.]]\
(if: $archive is 0)[[
When you got transferred to the Archival Department.]]\
[[
Actually, have you ever used one?]]The weight is familiar. (set: $recorder to 1)
{(if: $repeat is 1)[[This whole situation is familiar.]]
(if: $repeat is 0)[[Wow, it's been a while since you used one of these.]]}(set: $secondhand to 1)You got one from a secondhand shop. It was expensive, almost more than you could afford. But you'd worked a few hours overtime that week, so you had a little to spare, and it was worth it for those big, clacky buttons, that soft whirring noise. The way it preserved your //speech// and not just your //words.//
[[Once, you used it too late at night and woke Mum up by accident.]]Even after years at the Institute, your first day in the new space was scary. All your new coworkers seemed to know each other already, and they weren't lying about their qualifications like you were. $b[Jon] handed you a box of cassette tapes and—(set: $archive to 1)
[[Wait a minute.]]Maybe. Maybe not. You can't quite recall.
[[This chair is not comfortable.]]
(if: $footer is 1 and ($recorder is 1 or $love >= 1))[(color: gray)[Here's what you remember:]\
(if: $name is 1)+(color: gray)[
Your name is Martin Blackwood.]\
(if: $jonishere is 1)+(color: gray)[
Jon was with you!]\
(if: $jonishere is 2)+(color: gray)[
Jon was here, just a second ago.]\
(if: $recorder is 1)+(color: gray)[
There's a tape recorder in your hand.]\
(if: $sasha is 1)+(color: gray)[
You have a friend named Sasha.]\
(if: $sasha is 2)+(color: gray)[
Sasha was your friend. You'll never forget her.]\
(if: $tim is 1)+(color: gray)[
You have a friend named Tim.]\
(if: $tim is 2)+(color: gray)[
Tim was your friend. You'll never forget him.]\
(if: $house is 2)+(color: gray)[
This isn't your house.]\
(if: $house is 3)+(color: gray)[
This is not your home.]\
(if: $care is 1)+(color: gray)[
Someone cared about you.]\
(if: $care is 2)+$bg[
Someone loved you?]\
(if: $care is 3)+(color: gray)[
Jon loves you.]\
(if: $love is 1 and $footer is 1)+$vbg[
You love someone?]\
(if: $love is 2 and $footer is 1)+$bg[
You love someone.]\
(if: $love is 3 and $footer is 1)+(color: gray)[
You're in love.]]\
(if: $lonely is 1)+(color: gray)[
You are not lonely anymore.]She was so //angry// and you didn't know what to //do//—
[[And then you forgot where you put it.]](set: $footer to 0)[[What were you saying?|Begin]]
{(if: $recorder is 1)[(set: $recorder to -1)]
(if: $sasha is 1)[(set: $sasha to -1)]
(if: $tim is 1)[(set: $tim to -1)]
(if: $house is 2)[(set: $house to 1)]
(set: $jonishere to 0)
(set: $care to 0)}Where is he?(set: $jonishere to 1)
[[Jon?]]He can't have left you. He wouldn't have left you.
[[Right?|Forget]]You shift your weight, trying to make your back stop hurting.
[[Why do you even have this chair?]]It is your chair, right?
{(if: $house is 0)[[It must be. This is your house, after all.]]
(if: $house is 1)[[No, that's not right. You'd never buy a chair that was so uncomfortable to sit on. That would be a ridiculous waste of money.]]}That's why you're here. Right? (set: $house to 1)
[[Why would you be in somebody else's house?]]Must be someone else's house, then. But whose? You don't have anyone to visit.
[[Right?|It's just you]]Maybe you're visiting?
[[But who could you be visiting? You don't have any friends.]]It's just you. It's always been just you.
[[Right?|It's just you]]Wait. No. No. That's not right. There are other people. There //must// be other people.\
(if: $sasha is 0)[[
There was a woman at your job.]]\
(if: $tim is 0)[[
There was a man at your job.]]\
(if: $jon is 1)[[
There was someone important.]]\
(if: $jon >= 2)[[
There was Jon.]]\
(if: $sasha is -1 and $tim is -1 and $jon is 0)[[
There was... someone?]]Sasha. That was her name. Sasha. (set: $sasha to 1)
[[Something happened to her.]]Tim. He was called Tim.(set: $tim to 1)
[[You haven't seen him in a while.]]What was his name?
[[It was something short.]]Her face. Something about her face...
[[It's not her face.]]You can't remember what she looks like. Why can't you remember? She was your //friend// and you can't remember her //face,// what is //wrong// with you—
[[She was—she was—|Forget]]He went somewhere, and he did something, and...
[[Oh. He died, didn't he?]]How could you forget that he died? He's your //friend.// You forgot him, and he was—
[[—he was your friend, wasn't he—?|Forget]]It was... it was... Oh! (set: $jon to $jon + 1)
[[Jon!]]Wait. Where is he? He was supposed to be with you.(set: $jonishere to 2)(set: $jon to $jon + 1)
[[You have to stay calm. You have to find him.]]But the fog is so dense. It's hard to see further than an arm's length away. How are you supposed to tell him apart from all the other shadows walking these halls? They all look the same.
[[Was it this foggy before?]]What is this place? It's not your house. You can't afford a place like this.(set: $house to 2)
{(if: $love is 0)[[You've been here a while, haven't you?]]
(if: $love is 1)[[You shouldn't stay here.]]
(if: $love is 2)[[There's something itching at the edge of your mind...]]}Where did it all come from? You were inside. It was damp, sure, but not like this, this cloying, wet air that smells of chemicals and dirt.
[[Jon. You have to remember that you're looking for Jon.]]But it's so hard. Your thoughts keep slipping away. The smell is distracting, and it's so //cold,// and that noise keeps burrowing into your skull...(set: $repeat to 1)
(text-style: "italic")[[(tick tock tick tock tick tock tick)|Forget]]Here in the damp and the cold and the bitter smell.\
(if: $damp is 0)[[
There was a place that was dry.]]\
(if: $cold is 0)[[
There was a place that was warm.]]
[[There was a scent that was pleasant.]]A room full of papers, down in the basement away from the sun. It was safe, or so you thought. It wasn't your house, but you slept there for months.(set: $damp to 1)
[[Someone else gave you the key.]]He didn't like you much. But he believed you. He didn't call you a liar, didn't say that you were confused, didn't tell you that what happened to you was impossible.
[[He listened.]]It was small and run-down, but the walls were thick and the fireplace was big, and there were blankets and a narrow bed and...(set: $cold to 1)
[[And someone else was there with you.]]It was bitter. Acrid, even. But it wasn't this stale odor of thwarted decay, and you loved it because it was familiar.
[[Black tea and cigarettes. It reminds you of someone. Who?]]Someone important. You liked him. Did he like you?
[[No, he can't have. He always got so annoyed when you interrupted him.]]\
(if: $damp is 1)[[
He must have. He listened to you, after all.]]\
(if: $cold is 1)[[
He must have! He told you so himself.]]And now he's... now he's...(set: $care to 1)
[[Where is he?|Forget]]He'd been thin and starved-looking and his elbows had been sharp, but when he'd curled up in your arms there hadn't been a single hard edge to him. "$b[I love you]," he'd whispered in your ear, gentle as a feather, when he thought you couldn't hear.
[[Wait. What did he say?]]You can only recall the vaguest outline of the words. "$vb[I love you, Martin.]"(set: $care to 2)
[[You should be able to remember this. Why can't you remember?]]How could you forget him?(set: $jon to $jon + 1)(set: $jonishere to 1)
[[Jon!]]It's so cold. You've never been able to think when it's cold. It just gets into your bones and drags your thoughts down and out of your head.
[[There must be a radiator around here somewhere...|Forget]]He was the first person who really, truly //listened// to you.
[[How could you not love him for that?]]You tried so hard, but he never looked at you twice, except to scold. Story of your life, really.
[[No. No, hang on.]]And you told him—you told him—
[[You told him you loved him.|How could you not love him for that?]]But you loved that old thing! If you live here, then maybe you can remember where it ended up.
[[Maybe, if you just look hard enough...|Forget]]That's not right. Something about that isn't right. Something about this place is messing with your head.
[[This house is so strange. How long have you been here?|You've been here a while, haven't you?]]Oh.
Oh, no, no—where is he?(set: $love to 1)
[[You got separated, somehow.]]You have to find him! He must be here!
[[Right?|Forget]]<h3>All Alone and A-Lowly,</h3> a Magnus Archives fanfic by Ostentenacity
(link: "(AO3 work page)")[(gotoURL: "https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556798")]
This story uses (text-style: "blur")[blurry text] and (text-style: "blurrier")[very blurry text]. Blurred passages are not intended to be particularly legible.
[[Continue with blurry text.|Begin-blur]]
[[Continue with gray text instead of blurry text.|Begin-plain]]
(color: gray)[<h6>The interactive story "All Alone and A-Lowly" is a fanfiction of //The Magnus Archives//, a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International license.</h6>]{There's something in your hand.(set: $footer to 1)
(set: $b to (text-style: "blur"))(set: $vb to (text-style: "blurrier"))
(set: $bg to (text-style: "blur")+(color: gray))
(set: $vbg to (text-style: "blurrier")+(color: gray))}
{(if: $recorder is 0)[[What is it?]]
(if: $recorder is -1)[[Oh, it's a tape recorder!]]}{There's something in your hand.(set: $footer to 1)
(set: $b to (color: gray))(set: $vb to (color: gray))
(set: $bg to (color: gray))(set: $vbg to (color: gray))}
{(if: $recorder is 0)[[What is it?]]
(if: $recorder is -1)[[Oh, it's a tape recorder!]]}This house, this fog—it's doing something to you. You're certain of it.
[[It's definitely done things to the others.]]Maybe the only people are the strangers who drift through the halls. Maybe you've always been alone.
[[No, that can't be. There must be someone. Maybe in the next room...|Forget]]At first you thought it was only one, maybe two strangers. But you're pretty sure that the shadows you keep seeing—at the ends of hallways, in the depths of mirrors—are all different people. They remind you of motes of dust: listless and gray.
[[They don't speak to you.]]You remember, vaguely, trying to stop one of them, trying to ask what was going on. But none of them seem able to speak.
[[Try again.]]
[[Look for a way out instead.]]You can't quite touch them, but you can—sort of—corner one.
[[You ask for help.]]There are no doors. Why aren't there any doors?
[[The windows are blank. There's nothing outside.]]" ," says the stranger.
[[Try again.|You ask for help.]]
[[What if that's what you sound like?]]Your voice empty of sound, your gestures drained of meaning?
[[You don't like it here.]]And besides, there's something—there's something—
[[There's someone waiting for you—]]Maybe it's better that way.
[[Maybe this is where you belong.]]No. No, you don't—you're not supposed—
[[You don't even like it here.|You don't like it here.]]Jon. Jon is—he's somewhere—(set: $love to 2)
[[(tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tock)]]It's so cold. Pity you can't afford to heat the place more... $b[No! No, this isn't your house, you shouldn't be here, you shouldn't—]
[[You're not alo... you're not... you're...|Forget]]You've forgotten something. Something important. (Why do you always //forget// things, $b[Martin], so stupid!)
[[That's your mother's voice. Well, at least you remember what she sounds like.]]Because you can't quite remember what she...
No. No, this is ridiculous. You couldn't have forgotten your own mother's face. You couldn't have forgotten her //name.//
[[Right?|Mrs Blackwood]]Her last name, at least, is the same as yours, as your granddad's. Blackwood. $b[Blackwood]. $vb[Black]...
[[Please. Please, you don't want to forget.]]What else has slipped away?(set: $love to -1)
[[You can't even remember where you are.]]Is this your house?(set: $house to -1)
[[No—no, this isn't the sort of place you would live.]]
[[Probably. This seems like exactly the sort of place you would live.]]Probably. You don't //think// you're the sort of person who would live here. But you can't... quite...
[[What sort of person are you?]]You had a flat. And you had a job. And a boss. And a mum.
[[And a home?]]It's so familiar. It //must// be your home.
[[No. Not your home, your house.]]This isn't a home.
[[Did you ever have a home?|And a home?]]Yes! Yes, you had a home. You had to leave it, but it was //yours.// And you'll go back someday. You will. You //will.//
[[And you'll bring Jon with you.]]Jon!
[[You can remember him now.|Keep talking!]]What else can you remember? Think!\
(if: $care is 0)[[
Jon loves you.]]\
(if: $sasha is -1)[[
Sasha was your friend.]]\
(if: $tim is -1)[[
Tim was your friend.]]\
(if: $house is -1)[[
This is not your home.]]\
(if: $love is -1 and $care is 3 and ($sasha is 0 or $sasha is 2) and ($tim is 0 or $tim is 2) and $house is 3)[[
You are in love.]]\
(if: $love is 3 and $name is 0)[[
Your name is Martin Blackwood.]]\
(if: $name is 1)[[
You are not lonely anymore.]]He's going to come and find you. You just have to hold on long enough.(set: $care to 3)
[[Keep talking!|Keep talking!]]You can't remember her, but you'll never forget her.(set: $sasha to 2)
[[Keep talking!]] He's gone, but you'll never forget him.(set: $tim to 2)
[[Keep talking!]]You're going to get to go home, someday. And it'll suit you much better than this place.(set: $house to 3)
[[Keep talking!]]And you will //never// forget that again.(set: $love to 3)
[[Keep talking!]]That's it! That's what you forgot. Just one more thing...(set: $name to 1)
[[Keep talking!]]You are Martin Blackwood, and you are not lonely anymore.(set: $lonely to 1)
[[You are Martin Black—]]"Martin?"
[[It's time to go.]][[-fin-]]
{(set: $recorder to 0)
(set: $care to 0)
(set: $sasha to 0)
(set: $tim to 0)
(set: $house to 0)
(set: $name to 0)
(set: $love to 0)
(set: $lonely to 0)
(set: $secondhand to 0)
(set: $archive to 0)
(set: $jon to 0)
(set: $repeat to 0)
(set: $damp to 0)
(set: $cold to 0)
(set: $footer to 0)}Thank you for reading "All Alone and A-Lowly." Have a handy (link: "link back to the AO3 work page!")[(gotoURL: "https://archiveofourown.org/works/24556798")]
Or, if you like, [[start over.|Config]]